So I made it, out in the wild world again!
2 weeks into my new independent life and what a rollercoaster of emotions it’s been! A LOT of knockbacks, disheartened moments, a few breakdowns but I’m finally finding my feet.
If somebody had told me this time last year that I was going to meet some of the best people in my life, travel and survive Europe alone and then whisk myself away to Englands furthest corner, I’d probably have laughed.
Even two weeks ago, I was dilly dallying around saying bye to those same people, not feeling an ounce of emotion towards my new journey except maybe the knowledge that this time is a lot more daunting than being a fresh faced fresher!
And there I was, after dropping Dad at the train station and waving goodbye, abandoned with my car and Satnav Jason to find my way back to my flat, on fully functioning roads! Two way traffic, traffic lights, round-a-bouts the whole thing! (I’d much rather be given a single track road and a stand off with cows anyday!) I made it back in one piece and the expected intial feeling of the small fish in a big sea appeared. Only it took far more than a couple of minutes to fade.
Meeting up with my one and only reliable friend (all the way from good old uni days 🙂 ), I slowly started to find my way around. My expectation of making friends straight away with the people I live with wasn’t so immediate. Living in Postgrad halls and being the youngest in my flat meant soialising wasn’t the top of everyone’s agenda. Friendships took a little longer to forge and we’ve now reached the stage that kitchen conversations are a common occurence. Step 1; Feeling comfortable at home accomplished. Although my room is right by the passgeway between buildings and where everybody meets to smoke so not the ideal room to be daydreaming out of the window all the time. Hopefully this will stop my distraction techniques when I have actual work to do!
Step 2; affording to live! I have atually lost count of the amount of CVs I’ve handed out, places who have taken my CV under the assurance they are always looking for staff and not hearing anything back, places only looking for full time staff and the look they give when you say you’re at uni (excuse me, hello I’m a masters student, you know, acutally reliable). At home it’s almost harder to not get a job than it is to get a job. My problem is that I am capable of writing a CV and I am capable of doing a reasonably good job yet no matter how well I prepare, I am completely rubbish at interviews! They ask the most awkward questions and expect you to be wanting to be employed there until you retire. Unfortunately I do have higher expectations than working in KFC for the rest of my life so no I won’t be picking up extra shifts in the holidays if I acquire work experience for my actual career thanking you! Hopefully tomorrow’s interview will be slightly more successful 🙂
I suppose the hardest part for me is Step 3. Moving on. It has recently come to my attention that I become too attached. Too attached to how I feel about things, too attached to how things used to be and too attached over the fact I have no clue what is going to happen tomorrow or next week or the next 5 years. I think this is partly down to spending a lot of time growing up on my own. So now whenever I am surrounded by so many good people I don’t want to ever lose that feeling. Sure enough they will always be around to visit but nothing is ever the same as living in the moment you are in. And despite the fact that I have now chosen this path for my next year I still have no clue where I want to be at the end of it and everybody around me all seem to have their clear goal or at least an idea of what they are going to move onto. Hence today’s title, inspiration from The Boss himself Mr Springsteen.
Today, however was a good day! I was reunited with the beach, I’ve started to set up my library of sounds. A soundscape of the sea and Bournemouth Beach, I’m sure I’ll find some use for in the future. After another testing evening last night of encountering a flat tyre and the procedures of being savd it was nice to feel the warmth of the sea and sand between my toes.
I can also drive around town with some sense of direction, use the buses without ending up in Southampton, borrow and return books from the library and find all lectures. So I guess it ain’t so bad! 😉
I also learnt I pose more than I realise!
In the spirit of staying positive, tomorrow’s another day and we must take adventures in order to know where we truly belong 🙂
Title inspo credit: Bruce Springsteen, Born to Run